


Matchmaker Prongs

by Starstruck4Moony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Bi, Bi! Remus, Black Family (Harry Potter) - Freeform, Cavity Causing Fluff, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Meetings, Fluff, Friendship, Fuck peter, Gay, Get Together, James and Remus are the best bros, Jegulus, Kissing, LGBTQ, Light-Hearted, M/M, Marauders, Matchmaking, Modern, Modern AU, Modern Era, PRE APOLOGIES, Pan! James, Pining, Reg is cool, Remus POV, Rude Remus, Sass, Sweet, Swimmer!Remus, Texting, Total Nonsense, Writier!Remus, baker!Sirius, emojis are hard to format wtf, grammar is for people with time and energy, idk how to spell that ship name, jegulas, meet cute, not really - Freeform, sarcastic, super gay, text fic, wolbucks, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 12:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starstruck4Moony/pseuds/Starstruck4Moony
Summary: James meets Regulus while out, and reports back to his bestie Moony about his new crush and his cute brother...Crack texting wolfbucks fic. Enjoy?*Winner* Best Up and Coming Author Award in the Shrieking Shack Society's Annual Marauders Medals Awards. #MarauderMedals2018





	1. James meets the Black Bros

**Author's Note:**

> Tags are true. This is nonsense and everyone is gay.

**James: Moony Moony Moony Moony**

**James:  MOOOOOOONY!!!!**

**James:  MOONY!!!!!!**

_Remus: OMG PRONGS WHAT?!_

**James:  I met a guy**

_Remus:_  : I

_Remus: when don’t you?_

**James:  No Moony, not like that, I mean _someone_**

_Remus: me too_

**James:  REALLY?!??!!**

_Remus: yeah, this real old lady decided I made her coffee too strong and poured it all over me_

**James:  ffs Moony this is importnat**

**James:  but I am sorry, that fucking sucks**

_Remus: whatever, tell me about this guy you’re tripping over_

**James:  OMG MOONY. He’s so great, he’s sooooo fit**

_Remus: sounds like your type_

**James:  you would know ; )**

_Remus:_ : I

**James:  but really, he’s like……**

_Remus: yes?_

**James:  like…I can’t articulate it well but he’s like, blinding, like, I can’t look at him for too long?**

_Remus: cuz he’s so ugly?_

**James:  MOONY! BEHAVE! I’M BEING SERIOUS**

_Remus:_  ; D

_Remus: alright alright tell me why he’s giving you vision problems_

**James:  Ok, so he’s got this intense look like he’s thinking about everything behind these dark blue eyes.**

**James:  oh fuck, his eyes**

**James:  and his hair is ugh, so dark and soooo soft**

_Remus: you’ve already touched his hair?_

_Remus: also, isn’t being into dark hair a bit narcissistic?_

**James:  Hey, it’s worked for you ; )**

_Remus: yeah, but **I**  don’t have dark hair_

**James:  Whatever, it’s the best and you know it**

_Remus:_ : I

_Remus: I feel called out_

**James:  GOOD cuz he has a brother**

_Remus:….and this is good because???_

**James:  becausssssssssse if you’re into him we could double date!**

_Remus: so…while hitting on one guy….you were checking out his brother…..?_

**James:  OMFG NO!**

**James:  he came to meet up with him after we’d been talking for a bit and I saw an opportunity**

_Remus: oh no_

_Remus: Prongs, what did you do?_

**James:  ….you may get a text later**

_Remus: PRONGS?!!?!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!_

_Remus: I do NOT need you whoring me out to randos so you can meet up with their bothers later. I do perfectly fine on my own_

**James:  Oh fucking hell, I know you do Moony, but this guy was fit and he looked VERY interested when I showed him a picture of you**

_Remus:  *facepalm*_

_Remus: why are we friends again?_

**James:  cuz you love me and I love you**

_Remus: fuck_

**James:  I SOLEMNLY SWEAR it’ll be fine**

_Remus: and if it’s not?_

**James:  I’ll make it up to you????**

_Remus:_  ... _fine_

**James:  just like, don’t be too mean before you meet him in-person yeah?**

_Remus: you mean before you get off with your new crush?_

**James:  Oh, I don’t think it will take that long ; )**

_Remus: fucking asshole_

**James:  yes, that’s the plan ; P**

_Remus: omg. this fucker better be worth it. you owe me_

**James:  you have my undying devotion**

_Remus: I want your cash_

**James:  that too**

_Remus: bring home thai take-out?_

**James:  it’s already ordered**

_Remus: cashew chicken?_

**James:  yes you omnivore**

_Remus: alright, I’ll see you soon love_

**James:  love you Moony!!!**

**James:  see you in a few! <3**


	2. James' Cute Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius texts Remus, and James is a little too excited about it. James and Remus are besties.
> 
> A second chapter of my boozy drabbles as requested.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is gay. Jegulas is happening and Wolfstar is life.

\-------------: Hey, is this James’ cute friend?

 

_Remus: Who is this???_

\-------------: This is Sirius.

 

_Remus: Again, who is this?_

 

Sirius: Oh right, ugh, James met my brother and then showed me your picture and gave me your number and he said that he would tell you that I would text you, so I’m texting you.

 

_Remus: wow, you are not smooth_

 

Sirius: ha, James said you’d be rude

 

 _Remus: I’m not rude, you’re just some random guy texting_ _me_ _nonsense!_

_Remus: Why are you even texting some stranger? If you’re that desperate why don’t you try_ _tindr or grindr?_

 

Sirius: uh…I’m not really into that? The whole one night stand with strangers thing?

 

_Remus: Well isn’t that adorable ; )_

_Remus: Ok, then Mr. Stranger, what are you into then?_

 

Sirius: Um, I like punk music, fixing up my motorcycle, cooking, I’m trying to start a garden, and I really really want to get a dog

 

_Remus: Do you come with your own leather jacket and tray of brownies?_

Sirius: I can if you give me 45 min and an address

 

_Remus: Make it an hour, and I’ll see you at the Woflbucks café_

 

Sirius: really?!

 

_Remus: see you soon ; )_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**James: Moony!!! You’re going on a date!!!**

 

**James: Mooooooooooooooooooooooony**

**James MOONY!**

_Remus: I pray for the day when you’re able to wait 10 seconds before I respond to your text_

**James: Praying won’t do you any good you atheist, now give me deeeeets**

_Remus: How do you even know I’m going on a date?_

**James: Reg told me**

_Remus: and Reg is….?_

**James: my new, dark-haired boyfriend**

_Remus: you’re already boyfriends in one day?????_

**James: we will be as soon as I ask him**

_Remus: *facepalm*_

**James: but don’t try and distract me Remus, I KNOW you have a date with Reg’s brother**

_Remus: meh, I dunno if it’s date, but I asked for brownies, so at least there’s that_

**James: you are a slut for chocolate Mr. Moony**

_Remus: why do you assume I’m putting out??????_

**James: Oh you will once you see him ; )**

_Remus: Again, you’re with his brother, so why are you checking him out?_

**James: I can’t help it! Reg is like…ugh…so hot, and intense, and like, I want to swim in the depths of his** **mind**

_Remus: ugh, gross_

**James: shut it**

**James: you’re gonna love Sirius. He’s adorable and has got these big puppy dog eyes I know you can’t resist**

_Remus: uh huh_

**James: AND he’s fit,** **like proper fit**

_Remus: whatever, but if this goes to shit I’m blaming you and your rampant matchmaker tendencies_

**James: I accept the consequences**

**James: let me know how it goes ; )**

_Remus: No_

**James: LOVE YOUUUUUUUU**

_Remus: love you too weirdo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO idea what this is. If for some reason you're reading this and want more, let me know. *shrugs*


	3. Curls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Regulus has to deal with a smitten Sirius and James. 
> 
> This takes place in the middle of the last chapter, so, sorry for lack of order, but it came to be at 6am, and now you're reading it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editnig is for real writers, this is gay dream crack. Enjoy?

Sirius: Reg he said yes he said yes!

 

Reg: who said yes?

 

Sirius: cuuuuuuurrrrrlllllsssss

 

Reg: James friend?

 

Sirius: yes!!

 

Reg: ok well can we call him by his real name because I’m not gonna call him “curls”

 

Sirius:.......

 

Reg: Are you afraid to tell me?

 

Sirius: no

 

Reg: then what’s his name?

 

Sirius: .....

 

Sirius: I don’t know?

 

Reg: you know what, you deserve to be alone forever 

 

Sirius: Reg no! Help me!!

 

Reg: there is no helping someone who gets a date without even knowing their name! Ffs Sirius 

 

Sirius: Reggggggg I’m begging you

 

Reg: yeah, that doesn’t work on me

 

Sirius: but you would hate for me to go on this date and piss off James friend before your date with him, right?

 

Reg: wait, when are you seeing him?

 

Sirius: in an hour

 

Reg: Christ

 

Sirius: please please please 

 

Reg: ugh, hold on

 

 

* * *

 

 

Regulus: hey James, what’s your friend's name?

 

**James: hey there sexy**

**James: you bored with me already? ; )**

 

Regulus:  Christ you’re the worst 

 

**James: oh I’m very bad ; )**

 

Regulus: I’m already regretting all of this 

 

Regulus: Sirius got a date with your friend but didn’t ask his name 

 

**James: SERIOUSLY?!**

 

Regulus: yes, now please tell me his name

 

**James: hmmm I don’t know now, we haven’t even set up our own date**

Regulus: are you blackmailing me into a date?

 

**James: well I am bad ; )**

 

Regulus: why are you like this?

 

**James: charming? irresistible? sexy?**

 

Regulus: annoying

 

**James: oh you’ll learn to love it, especially during our date tomorrow?**

 

......

 

**James: please?**

 

Regulus: fine

 

**James: Yes!!!! Remus will be thrilled**

 

Regulus:....his name is Remus 

 

**James: is the pot calling the kettle black, Regulus?**

 

Regulus: .....I hate you

 

**James: no you don’t, I’m too cute**

**James: can’t wait for our date!**

**James: xxx**

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Regulus: I hate everyone

 

Sirius: did you get his name?!

 

Regulus: its Remus, and you owe me

 

Sirius: want me to make you brownies too?

 

Regulus: you’re making him brownies? For a first date?

 

Sirius: he asked! 

 

Regulus: idek what’s going on right now

 

Regulus: and yes I want brownies 

 

Sirius: ok! I’ll double the batch. Love you Reg!

 

Sirius: I’ll text you later to let you know how the date goes

 

Regulus: please don’t

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS NO PLOT. IF YOU WANTS MORE, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. I'll write it next time my brain is chill.


	4. Wolfstar First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius meet-up for their first date. Boys are gay, texting continues, author fails at building any real story or plot.
> 
> Enjoy?

At the indie cafe, Remus sat at a small table by the window so he could keep an eye out for this mystery man he was about to meet. Not wanting to be caught off guard since apparently Sirius had the advantage of knowing what Remus looked like. _Wait, what picture had James been showing off…_ His thoughts were cut off with the sound of a motorbike pulling up to the cafe. The leather-clad rider whipped off his helmet and his shoulder-length ebony waves poured out like a fucking hair commercial. _Goddamnit_. Remus hated when Prongs was right.

 

Sirius stowed his helmet and proceeded to look around, before checking his reflection in his tiny side mirror. He checked his teeth, pulled his finger through his hair, then tried tying it up in a bun ( _fuck_ ), only to take it down again, trying to arrange it with his fingers. Resigning himself from the hair arranging, the man rubbed his face, sighed, and proceeded to wipe his palms on this pants before retrieving a baking dish from the back compartment of his bike.

 

Remus watched totally flabbergasted with more than a few thoughts running through his head.

  1. Was this guy actually nervous? Unlike Remus, this guy looked like a fucking model, and the idea of this guy being nervous to meet Remus of all people, warmed his heart to an almost painful point.
  2. DID HE ACTUALLY BRING BROWNIES?! Remus had been having him on, not expecting the joke to be taken seriously.
  3. Possibly, this guy was actually a crazy mass murderer, but if not then he really, really owed Prongs.



  
Really, it was all Prongs fault he was here now actually considering this man, instead of getting to blow through the date just to appease his friend.

 

 _Remus_ : _Fuck. You._

 

**James: HA! I knew you’d like him!**

 

Sirius entered the cafe just as Remus finished reading James’ text. When Remus looked up he saw Sirius looking around the cafe with those puppy-dog eyes James’ had warned him about. He groaned internally, chastising himself for having feelings before even talking to this guy. He couldn’t help but smile as stood up and waved Sirius over, making the other man beam and bound over.

 

Remus greeted Sirius with a half hug and couldn’t stop himself from giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

 

“Hello” Remus greeted watching Sirius blush a beautiful shade of pink. “Looks like you're a man of your word,” Remus added looking at the baking dish he could only assume contained brownies.

 

“Hi, um...yes?” Sirius looked up with concerned brows and a tentative smile, “I wouldn’t lie about chocolate”

  


“Good, because I maybe have a soft spot for chocolate.”

 

"Well then it looks like I'm on the right date," Sirius winked and took the seat Remus offered to him.

 

Remus smirked admiring the cheek. “So, since you brought the brownies, what can I treat you to?” Remus asked, nodding towards the coffee counter.

 

“Just a cup of black is fine”, Sirius eye’s sparkled at Remus, almost daring him.

 

Remus just rolled his eyes and walked off to place his order. Pulling out his phone while he waiting in line, he was bombarded with a stupid number of missed texts from James.

 

**James: How’s the date going?**

 

**James: Is he being nice?**

 

**James: Did he really bring brownies???**

 

**James: What do they taste like?**

 

**James: What does HE taste like? ; )**

 

_Remus: OMFG prongs, control your thirst for my love life_

 

**James: Moony!!!! You know I love love. Now spill the beans!!!**

 

**James: lolz**

 

**James: Wait, why are you texting me? Is it going bad?**

 

_Remus: I’m just getting us coffee. Find your chill love._

 

**James: But I want this to go well cuz then we’ll be dating a matching set!**

 

_Remus: ….that’s disgusting_

 

**James: You mean perfect? Adorable?**

 

_Remus: Also, how are you thinking that far ahead? We just met!_

 

**James: are you trying to tell me you’re not attracted to him?**

 

_Remus: um, is there anyone who’s not attracted to him??? I mean, fuck, he’s so fucking hot, and yet is all cute like this little puppy, and he FUCKING BAKES?!?! What wet dream did you find him in???_

 

**James: I’m gonna screenshot this and put it on your wedding invites**

 

_Remus: die_

 

* * *

  


Meanwhile…..

 

* * *

  


Sirius: Reggggggg I’m here. Help. 

 

Regulus: I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what could you need help with?

 

Regulus: Also, why are you texting me? Are you hiding in the bathroom? You know, not every guy is gonna be a tool and try and rush you, so don’t freak out too soon.

 

Sirius: no no no, he seems nice so far? He even kissed my cheek! 

 

Regulus: ok, so what’s the problem.

 

Sirius: he’s like got this cheeky smile that just, ugh, and this ass that just uuuuuggggghhhhhh 

 

Regulus: Christ, either tell me your problem or fuck off

 

Sirius: I’m just a big gay mess 

 

Regulus: how is this different than every other moment of your life?

 

Sirius: Reg! 

 

Regulus: Look, Sirius, if you like him then just be yourself, and be honest. This isn’t some Grindr hook-up. This guy agreed to go on a date with you BEFORE he even saw a picture of you, so hopefully he’s interested in an actual relationship. If not, then he and his friend can fuck off, cuz you deserve someone decent.

 

Sirius: thanks Reg 

 

Regulus: You’re welcome. Love you weirdo.

 

Sirius: anvsjksdjnsdfbjvnsdkgbsdgk!!!! REG?!?!?! You softie!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! 

 

Regulus: #gay

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!! So, we only got through their meeting, so...double apologies. It was weird switching from pure texting? Idk. Y'all let me know what you think and what you'd like to see??? 
> 
> Also, where do you think Reg and James go on their first date??
> 
> Oh, and yes, in case it isn't clear, Sirius is demi, and Remus has the ass of an angel, which is canon (fight me).
> 
> I'll add new chapters as they come to me, so subscribe if you're actually enjoying my nonsense. *shurgs*


	5. Moony is a genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus "helps" James prepare for his date with Reg, with assistance from Sirius. 
> 
> ; )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to ArtyMakesArt for the kawaii emoticons! 
> 
> So yeah, I got so excited by everyone SUPER NICE feedback to my last crack texting chapter, that I kept thinking about it all day and then banged this one out. 
> 
> Remus and Sirius finished their date, and this is all the texting between their first date and the Jegulus date. 
> 
> Hope it's sufficiently ridiculous for you!

**James: hey moony**

 

_Remus: wow, an actual normal greeting_

 

**James: Mooooony! Come on now, I need help from my smartest friend**

 

_Remus: #OnlyFriend_

 

**James: Hey! I have other friends!**

 

_Remus: great, go talk to them_

 

**James: NOOOOOOOO  you’re my bff!**

 

_Remus: bi frustrated friend?_

 

**James: >__>**

 

_Remus: xoxo_

 

_Remus: alright alright, how can I help you love?_

 

**James: ok, so you had a good time with Sirius right?**

 

_Remus: I already don’t like where this is going_

 

**James: ok, we WILL revisit the date deets, but I’m asking cuz I need help deciding where to take Reg on our first date**

 

_Remus: do you want me to ask Sirius?_

 

**James: WOULD YOU?!?!!**

 

_Remus: sure, brb_

 

**James: Moony I love you sooooooooooo much**

 

_Remus: shush, lemme text my boi_

 

**James: YOUR BOI?!??!?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!? I NEED TO KNOW MORE DATE DETAILS!!!**

 

**James: Remus!!!!!!**

 

_____

 

_Remus: Hey cutie, want to help sabotage a date with me?_

 

Sirius: Hey ; ) 

 

Sirius: pet names already? I’m flattered 

 

_Remus: it’s not my fault you’re so cute_

 

Sirius: !!! 

 

_Remus: so you want to help me plan James and Reg’s date?_

 

Sirius: yes!! Please! 

 

_Remus: alright, so I got the impression from you that Reg is a little….formal?_

 

Sirius: you mean a posh know-it-all? Totally. Love him to bits tho 

 

_Remus: awww and you’re a sweetie too_

 

Sirius: god, please tell me we’re gonna have another date soon? 

 

_Remus: eager are we? ; )_

 

Sirius: I know I’m like supposed to be all smooth and play it cool? But yeah, I’d really really really like to get to know you better and go out again 

 

_Remus: ok well then we can really really really go out again tomorrow night_

 

Sirius: yeah?! 

 

_Remus: sure, but only if you help me mess with James first_

 

Sirius: oh, right, ok 

 

_Remus: alright, how would Reg feel about a trampoline park?_

 

Sirius: OH MY GOD he would HATE that 

 

_Remus: perfect. Promise not to tell?_

 

Sirius: uhhhhh 

 

_Remus: pretty please? With kisses on top? ; )_

 

Sirius: ok. YES. I promise to try and not tell Reg. 

 

_Remus: Sirius!_

 

Sirius: ok ok ok I’ll go hide in my room pretending I don't exist until he leaves so I can’t let it slip 

 

_Remus: good boy_

 

Sirius: !!! 

 

_____

 

**James: Mooooooony you still there?**

 

**James: you know what’s funny? I don’t even have to type all those o’s now. My phone just knows and autocorrects to include them**

 

**James: ok, so I’m guessing you’re still talking to Sirius?**

 

**James: I like him. He seems like fun, and you need to have more fun Moony. You’re way too…..serious**

 

**James: : D**

 

**James: MOONY!!!!! WHERE. DO. I. TAKE. REG?!**

 

**James: He’s so cute! And like, this grumpy little kitty cat**

 

**James: I just wanna play with him and nuzzle him**

 

**James: do you think he’ll like my place?**

 

**James: wonder how he’ll like my bed**

 

**James: so far it’s gotten rave reviews**

 

**James: X P**

 

**James: MOONY!!!!**

 

_Remus: oh my god_

 

**James: MOONY MY LOVE!!!**

 

_Remus: I’m trying to help you AND talk to Sirius (which is something you seem inexplicably excited about), and you can’t give me five minutes?!_

 

**James: I’m sorry moony, how can I make it up to you?**

 

_Remus: you can start by ordering me pizza_

 

**James: DONE! Ok, so what’s my treat?**

 

_Remus: *facepalm*_

 

_Remus: Ok, I think it should be a surprise for him. Makes you seem inventive and spontaneous_

 

**James: ooooo I like it. Ok where am I taking him?**

 

_Remus: a trampoline park_

 

**James:.....a trampoline park??**

 

_Remus: oh yeah, I mean, what better story than to say you had your first date at a trampoline park? I mean, could there be a better first date location?_

 

**James: Remus! You. are. a. GENIUS!**

 

_Remus: I feel like there’s a lot of typing happening and not enough pizza ordering_

 

**James: ok ok ok I’m ordering you pizza, WITH dessert pizza, AND soda**

 

_Remus: soda?_

 

**James: to go with the bottle of rum I’m leaving for you**

 

_Remus: ^v^_

 

_Remus: In that case, I guess you also deserve to know he’s got a secret disco kink_

 

**James: really???**

 

_Remus: yeah, though probably best not to overwhelm him until you find out if you’re getting a second date_

 

**James: whoa whoa whoa I didn’t say I wasn’t going to use this intel!**

 

_Remus: you do you Prongs, and have a nice night!_

 

**James: THANK YOU MOONY!**

 

**James: Love you!!!!**

 

* * *

 

...hours later

 

* * *

 

 

**James: uhhh….Remus?**

 

_Remus: what’s up babe?_

 

**James: oh boy you have hit the rum**

 

_Remus: noooo, the rum’s finally hit me_

 

_Remus: ; P_

 

**James: awwww tropical Remus! I wish I was at home with you tbh**

 

_Remus: aww why boo? You looked so cute going out_

 

**James: Really? He seems to be weirded out by the sequins**

 

_Remus: what? Wtf that’s not cool._

 

_Remus: Do you think Sirius is lying to me?_

 

_Remus: I really liked him. Do you think I should cancel my next date with him?_

 

**James: NO! KEEP YOUR DATE! I’m sure it’s just a mix up or something. I’ll make it work!**

 

_Remus: You sure? You can come over and eat my crust scraps if you want_

 

**James: no no, it’s ok. Just uh, wish me luck, yeah?**

 

_Remus: you don’t need luck with those abs of yours ; )_

 

**James: Remus Jan Lupin! That’s it!**

 

_Remus: no it’s not. it’s John_

 

**James: no! I’ll just take off my shirt once we get into the trampoline park! It’ll be hot!**

 

_Remus: hmmmm I love naked boys_

 

**James: ok moony, you go have some nice gay dreams, and I'll ttyl**

 

_Remus: xoxo_

 

**James: Love you!**

 

* * *

 

a few more hours later…

 

* * *

 

 

Regulus: Sirius, what the actual fuck

 

Sirius: *seen at 8:15pm* 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooook! So.....what do I do now???? Did I just accidentally start a pranking war between the marauders??? *shrugs*
> 
> Also, thank you for all the comments! More ideas for future chapters inspire more writing, as do your beautiful comments.


	6. Respawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before their date that night Remus discovers the Black brothers' bakery page.
> 
> James tries for another date with Reg.
> 
> Sirius continues to panic gayly.

Black Bros. Bakery 

 

_Remus: ok, I know traditionally I’m supposed to ask for your hand and all, but I don’t want to leave things up to chance, so I’m just telling you that we’re getting married._

 

_Remus: immediately_

 

Sirius: what?! 

 

_Remus: your fucking bakery_

 

_Remus: I want to die there_

 

Sirius: lol, I take it you found our website? 

 

_Remus: where the FUCK have you been hiding this place?!_

 

Sirius: ha, yeah, well it’s pretty small 

 

_Remus: it looks like a closet filled with everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Hot chocolatey things and a very sweet baker_

 

Sirius: ncvjdkfnvslkd!

 

_Remus: yeah, that’s exactly what my head is doing right now_

 

Sirius: omg you’re too much 

 

Sirius: do you want to stop by and see it? Anything you want would be on the house of course 

 

_Remus: anything??? ; )_

 

Sirius: Remusssssss 

 

_Remus: aww, I’m just teasing you. dw, but I will eat out your entire place_

 

Sirius: guess I’ll just have to bake and put out more? 

 

_Remus: ha! I like you_

 

Sirius: ok, can we please stop, because Reg is starting to make fun of me for blushing so hard 

 

_Remus: aww sure pup, but I’m coming down there to see this_

 

Sirius: now? 

 

_Remus: yeah, I’ve already finished my last lesson for the day so I’m free the rest of the afternoon_

 

Sirius: uh, I thought you worked at the Gazette? 

 

_Remus: oh that doesn’t pay much, so I also teach kids swimming lessons at Potter’s Gym_

 

Sirius: 

 

_Remus: is that ok?_

 

Sirius: well it certainly explains those shoulders 

 

_Remus: my good sir! Were you ogling me?_

 

Sirius: ...I’m gonna go back to baking now 

 

_Remus: see you soon sweetcheeks ; )_

 

___

 

**James: Ok, I need a redo on the date**

 

Regulus: what?

 

**James: a redo. Remus tricked me and I know I blew it so I need a redo**

 

Regulus: sure

 

**James: wait really??**

 

Regulus: yes

 

**James: oh! I didn’t think you’d say yes**

 

Regulus: how about instead of you talking with Remus about impressive date ideas, you just come over to watching some Netflix

 

**James: you mean you wanna Netflix and chill? ; )**

 

Regulus: yes

 

**James: REALLY?!?!**

 

Regulus: yeah, they’ve got a new season of Chef's Table up and I wanted to start it

 

**James: oh, ok**

 

Regulus: why do you sound disappointed?

 

**James: NO REASON!!**

 

**James: NETFLIX SOUNDS GREAT!**

 

Regulus: okay….

 

**James: how about I bring over some take-out and some beers?**

 

Regulus: how about take-out and wine

 

**James: got it! See you at 6?**

 

Regulus: maybe don’t wear sequins this time?

 

**James: I AM SO SORRY!**

 

Regulus: honestly, a fucking disco kink??? Wtf

 

**James: I’M SSSSSOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYYY!**

 

**James: I just really like you and wanted to impress you**

 

Regulus: you know I usually date much smarter people

 

**James: I AM SMART**

 

Regulus: says the jock who teaches spin classes and whipped off his shirt on the first date

 

**James: I WAS AN HONORS STUDENT and are you really complaining about me taking my shirt off?**

 

Regulus: I’ll see you at 6

 

**James: yes!!!**

 

___

 

Regulus: hey, why did James get all over excited when I asked him to come over and watch Netflix?

 

Sirius: AHHAHahhaahahaahaaha 

 

Regulus: what?

 

Sirius: you asked him to come over to Netflix and chill?! Dude 

 

Regulus: you can’t make fun of me when you spent the last hour with a permanent blush

 

Sirius: fuck. I can’t help it. Remus is just….he’s… 

 

Regulus: you actually like him?

 

Sirius: very very much. He’s definitely flirty and sarcastic but is like so kind? how is someone that fit so kind? 

 

Regulus: well unless you want me to start texting him baby pictures of you, than tell me what the fuck Netflix and chill means

 

Sirius: Don’t you dare! 

 

Sirius: And it means you want him to come over and fuck 

 

Regulus: WHAT?! Why does Netflix mean sex???

 

Sirius: that’s just the way it is *shrugs* 

 

Regulus: christ

 

Sirius: So you’ve got another date with disco-boy? 

 

Regulus: you know what, I think Remus deserves to see those pics in retaliation for the trampoline park idea

 

Sirius: IT WASN’T MY IDEA! 

 

Regulus: that’s just the way it is *shrugs*

 

* * *

 

_Remus: oh my god you’re the cutest baby ever_

 

_Remus: I want to have your babies_

 

Sirius: I’m going to murder him 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!! ACK!!! I have to go back and reply but all your support is keeping this train running! 
> 
> Ok, so Sirius is a baker and Remus is totally fantasizing licking chocolate off those forearms.
> 
> Also, what do Remus and Sirius do for the date that night????? 
> 
> And yes, Regulus is too posh for memes. 
> 
> Pic included cuz I love bakeries, but idk. Does it help or hurt?


	7. Flipping Awesome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wolfstar and Jegulus each go on their "second" dates. 
> 
> Friends and brothers support each other.
> 
> Everyone is perfectly queer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo this chapter feels SUPER weak. IDK. Maybe I should've come up with a plot??? *shurgs*

_Remus: So, you’re wearing something comfy tonight right?_

 

Sirius: yeah, um….what kind of comfy are we talking about 

 

_Remus: Let’s just say we’re gonna get physical ; )_

 

Sirius: that is...the opposite of helpful. 

 

* * *

 

Sirius: Reg I’m so nervous. 

 

Sirius: Remus told me to wear something “comfortable” so we could “get physical” 

 

Sirius: And like, yes, I like him, but this is only our 2.5f date and idk 

 

Sirius: we haven’t even really kissed yet! 

 

Sirius: he keeps giving me these sweet little kisses and a smile that just…..uggghhh 

 

Sirius: and then he like, eye fucks me til I melt 

 

Sirius: and it’s DOESN’T HELP that he always remembers everything I say and like asks questions about things I even forgot about 

 

Sirius: who remembers every detail of a conversation like that??? Who even pretends to be interested in why jeans have those tiny pockets? 

 

Regulus: You know James almost took away your crown for most annoying texter but you’re earning it back.

 

Sirius: Reg!!! 

 

Regulus: 1. wtf is 2.5f???

 

Sirius: two and a halF dates 

 

Regulus: god you’re an idiot

 

Regulus: 2. That pocket was designed for pocket watches

 

Sirius: OMG YOU’RE A GENIUS 

 

Regulus: yeah so you can imagine how annoying it is to interact with you plebeians

 

Sirius: you’re a meanie. 

 

Sirius: HELP ME 

 

Regulus: 3. If you really are nervous just don’t go back to his place or make sure and tell him how you feel, and it’ll probably be fine.

 

Sirius: Probably??? 

 

Regulus: Also you can always call me I’ll come and get you.

 

Sirius: i love you Reg 

 

Regulus: just make sure you don’t call until after my date

 

Sirius: … 

 

Sirius: I need a better brother 

 

Regulus: #same

 

* * *

 

Sirius stood in front of his mirror, finally resigning to his choice of clothes for this mystery date. He had on a nice t-shirt with a low collar, a denim overshirt, and slim olive joggers with some sneakers. He wouldn’t usually go out without his leather jacket, but Remus had promised they wouldn’t be outside much. He snapped a quick picture of himself in the mirror and sent it to Remus.

 

Sirius: will this work? 

 

_Remus: god yes_

 

_Remus: you look so cute I wanna forget the date and just cuddle you on the couch all night_

 

Sirius blushed at the text and chastised himself for being nervous to go out with such a cute person. Not two minutes later Sirius’ doorbell rang, and he opened it to Remus dressed in slim workout pants and a thin hoodie that showed off his frame, and yeah, okay, this was a really really good idea. Remus smiled at him which showed off those CUTE dimples (honestly, were they legal?), and his curls all soft……

“Hey cutie”, Remus said, shaking Sirius out of his thoughts, and wrapping him up in a hug. Sirius melted under those strong arms, hugging Remus back, who pulled away with a light kiss on Sirius’ cheek.

 

“You uh...wanna come inside for a minute?” Sirius asked.

 

“No”, Remus winked, “If I go inside then I’ll never want to leave.”

 

Remus took Sirius hand, and pulled a bit, “let’s go pup”.

 

* * *

 

Sirius was gobsmacked as Remus pulled into a parking lot. “Are you shitting me?!”

 

“Are you telling me that you’re not excited??” Remus smirked.

 

Sirius tried glaring at him but couldn’t contain his smile. Remus has brought them to the same fucking trampoline park where James had brought Regulus for their first date.

 

* * *

 

Sirius watched with fascination as Remus completed another flip. They had started off bouncing around and chasing each other across the trampolines before Remus had started busting out some insane tricks. Sirius learned he had spent his youth diving competitively and wow did it show. He’d bounce and bounce until he got some height and would perform a flip, a twist, a double flip, and one time even had time to do a tuck. Sirius stared in fascination at his prowess, the control he had over his body, the way that soft hoodie moved up and showed off his delicious tummy…

 

* * *

 

Sirius: <video file 01>

 

Sirius: <video file 02>

 

Sirius: <video file 03>

 

Regulus: are you fucking kidding me

 

Sirius: Reg, he’s perfect 

 

Regulus: Ok I don’t have time to explain to you why I’m not interested in your date’s trampoline skills because I am also ON A DATE

 

Sirius: he is SO. FIT. Reg!!! I’m so proud of my boyfriend! 

 

Regulus: you’re on a second date and he’s already your boyfriend?

 

Sirius: Yeah, he doesn’t know it yet, but I’m gonna keep him! 

 

Regulus: Sirius….you can’t KEEP a person

 

Sirius: watch me 

 

Sirius: <video file 04>

 

Sirius: <video file 05>

 

Sirius: <video file 06>

 

Sirius: <333333 

 

Regulus: gross

 

* * *

 

**James: YOU TOOK HIM TO THE TRAMPOLINE PARK!?!?!!!!! *sobbing***

 

_Remus: ; )_

 

**James: Moooonnnnyyyyyyy : ( s’not fair!**

 

_Remus: Prongs you have 2 minutes to tell me what’s wrong_

 

**James: Sirius is sending Reg all these videos of you and he’s all smitten with you but I can’t even get Reg on my side of the sofa!**

 

_Remus: Has that ever stopped you???_

 

 **James: no but I’ve already messed this up once and don’t want to do it again but he’s SO CUTE I need to cuddle him!!!**  
  


Remus: you’re so screwed  
  


**James: Moony!** **he won’t stop sending Reg videos of you showing off that rocking body!  
**   


******James: love of my life?  
**  


_Remus: you really don’t understand platonic relationships Prongs. Please never change_  
  


**James: awwww I love you too moons!  
**   


**James: Moony?  
**   


**James: my partner in crime?**    
  


**James: Remus?**

 

**James: IT HASN’T BEEN 2 MINUTES YET!**

 

_Remus: Sirius says to scratch his head_

 

**James:.....really? Or is this like the disco thing?**

 

_Remus: lol really_

 

_Remus: did it work?_

 

_Remus: Prongs?_

 

_Remus: have fun with your kitty cat ; )_

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading, commenting, and putting up with this nonsense.
> 
> I need an ending, yeah???? Or like....a story??? IDEK. SEND YOUR IDEAS. I'm bi and confused.

**Author's Note:**

> I am addicted to texting fics. OMG. Marauders texting fics. Ugh. Hopefully, you got a laugh out of my nonsense, and if you ever do one, send it my way.Thanks for reading!
> 
> UPDATE!!! WhyTFNot has made artwork for this fic!!!!!!!!!!! I still revisit it over and over again and you need to check it out too. Click here to see their genius gift: https://tonftyhw.tumblr.com/post/175617802913/texting-fics-are-my-weakness-specifically-this


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